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1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship. If a team does not improve after four years, the entire staff may be fired. If the team does not win after the fifth year, the team may be sold to a private corporation. Think ENRON for football.
2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time, even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents. All kids will play football at a proficient level, even those in wheelchairs.
3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.
4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game. Football teams must use their own resources to pay for the statistics.
This will create a New Age of Sports where every team is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same challenging goals, rendering the challenge meaningless. If every team meets the challenge, it obviously can't be challenging. If football fans do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private teams that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to play with bad football players, ultimately leaving the bad football players behind.
No Dentist Left Behind
No Cow Left Behind
No Citizen Left Behind
